Last week was an OK week, except for the day that I ignored my pacing tools. Through trial and error, I’ve figured out that even on days when I have the physical and mental strength to sit at my desk for more than an hour at at time, it’s best not to exceed that time limit. To help me mark the time, I use 45-65 minute CDs. When the CD is done, it is time for me to clock out and leave my desk. Last Thursday, I didn’t do that.
I was on an archival treasure hunt for a historic photo of one of Pittsburgh’s 90 neighborhoods. Multiple online archives have photographs of this particular neighborhood, but most of the photos were not appropriate for the story I wanted to illustrate. In my first work session on Thursday, I scanned through two archives, not finding what I wanted. Just as my CD ended, I remembered a third archive. Thinking that I would just take five minutes to see if this archive was worth exploring in my next work session, I kept going. An hour later, I realized I needed to come up for air.
When I returned to my desk for my afternoon work session, I repeated that pattern. Just as my afternoon CD ended, I had another brainwave. Instead of spending just five minutes following up on it, I followed the resulting trail for another hour.
Since my birthday when my mom gave me the gift of a clean apartment, I have done better at doing the small things every day that help maintain that cleanliness. My mood has improved significantly because of this. But on Thursday, after two double work sessions, I took my dinner dishes into the kitchen and had a melt down over the idea of putting them in the dishwasher. That required more mental and physical energy than I had left. A familiar wave of frustration overwhelmed me, followed quickly by relief over not having felt this way for weeks.
While burning up all mental and physical energy in a day has been a common occurrence during my Long COVID journey, it was a daily occurrence with my previous employer. Every day, I came home overwhelmed, detracting from my quality of life. I stopped cooking meals aligned with the anti-inflammatory diet that enhanced my health. I overate and gained an unhealthy amount of weight. Dating went out the window leaving me even more isolated and lonely, which further encouraged my overeating and alcohol habits.
As painful as it was returning to this level of burnout, I realized that I can be successful at pacing so that I don’t feel this way. However many months more of Long COVID I have ahead of me, this is a time when I can practice and strengthen my pacing skills. These good habits will then enhance my life during and after Long COVID.
Feature image credit: Metronome by icon 54 from Noun Project (CC BY 3.0)
Carolyn Ristau 